This first post has taken me almost a year to finally sit down and share – When I found out I was pregnant I experienced a roller coaster of emotions and experiences which I soon found mirrored in other women’s lives- to know I was not alone in what I was going through was a huge relief. After many conversations and months later I realized that writing a blog would not only provide me with a cathartic past time, but also might help others know that they are not alone in their experiences.
My first post is dedicated to the idea that everyone, not least a new mom, should strive for progress not perfection. All throughout my life I suffered from wanting to be the best student, friend, sister, girlfriend, rugby player… (you get the drift) .. when I became a new mom this idea of being the perfect mom and fiancee soon collided- here I was with a month old baby still trying to keep an immaculate house by filling any spare minute with laundry, sweeping, dusting, cleaning – you get the drift- I added to this stress by wanting to make sure dinner was ready for my partner after his long day at work. I soon started to buckle under this pressure and was feeling more and more depressed by trying to do it all. THIS WAS STUPID it wasn’t like my partner EVER came home and made me feel as though I should be doing all of these things- in fact we would have conversations how I should be doing less. On the days that my little girl demanded more of my time and I wasn’t able to get that extra load of laundry done, or rearrange my sweater drawer (yes I do things like that!) I would feel as though I had failed. Rationally I knew this to be bullsH@t so I decided to do a bit of research to understand how to change my mentality.
What I learned: Throughout my life my goals were always performance based, focused on an ideal of being a ‘good’ mother/fiance etc… The problem with this is that the ‘be good’ goal frames the goal in external terms. Be good compared to what? The standard for success often comes from other people. I needed to change my mentality (which is no small feat and a struggle for me everyday) and have ‘getting better’ goals, e.g be a better mother. This will help me strive to improve myself, keep my goal process based and internally focused.
In the book, Succeed: How-Can-Reach-Goals by Heidi Grant Halvorson, she illustrates how, the ‘getting better’ goals generally lead to more happiness. This is because individuals see the goal as a journey, not an end-point, and so are more likely to take pleasure with every incremental improvement along the way. For those in the ‘be good’ crowd, the only possibility for satisfaction is in reaching the performance metric and they are much less likely to actually take pleasure in the work towards the goal.
Time to start getting better!
livelovelaughlittleone 